Sunday, September 19, 2010

Team Rocket and Other Pokemon Related Musings


This is a collection of ranting I had when I tried to convince some people that Team Rocket are the best failures ever.  Enjoy.  I apologize for the lack of a coherent train of thought.

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Prepare for Trouble!
And make it double!
To protect the world from devestation
To unite all peoples within our nation
To denounce the evils of truth and love
To extend our reach to the stars above
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!
Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth that's right!
Wobbafett!
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This is for the most awesome failures ever.

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James's early voice doesn't really do it for me. He doesn't have the comically deep tone or the awesome laugh/weird noise he makes when he's scared.
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*Someone else refers to James as a faggot*

I can understand calling James a fag, but the picture you are replying to clearly shows him not acting like a fag. If it were this picture
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then I wouldn't complain.
Follow up pictures to the earlier one:
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James just likes it rough. If he were gay why would he spend all his time with Jessie. She's not that smart or useful, and she beats him. I figure he is just effeminate and masochistic, so Jessie being hot and beating him up is just his thing.

But I suppose when you watch hundreds of episodes you begin to overanalyze things. Like how the world of pokemon has almost no concept of marriage or good parenting. The only time marriage was ever even mentioned was when it was about James's arranged marriage to that dominatrix. Ash's father is clearly Professor Oak, but nobody ever bothered to tell Ash this, and Ash was sent out to travel the world at ten years old without any help. I say Professor Oak is clearly his dad because he and Ash's mom just happen to show up together at beach resorts and hotels at the same time all the time and nobody ever even mentions Ash's father. I don't even think Ash knows where babies come from. Not to mention Ash's mom is a slut. She let Brock shack up with her for an undetermined amount of time after Brock had some unnamed problem with staying with Professor Ivy (I assume he knocked her and her three research assisstants up) and left.

Anyway, point is that the world of Pokemon is fucked up and should not be thought about critically.

Also, Meowth is watching you masturbate.
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Stay tuned for more random pokemon related dissertations.

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*Someone says that Jessie has a penis*

I just can't imagine a penis can hide that well. I mean, the animators had enough problems just avoiding pantyshots, let alone a penis.
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Then back to Team Rocket being awesome.
Meowth, he is a Char.
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James is sexy.
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Wobba
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I would like to take a moment to talk about what Team Rocket covets most. No, not leather and sex toys, I mean Pikachu.
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He is a lazy EV trained asshole. Either Ash accidentally fought the right type of pokemon to EV train him (unlikely) or Professor Oak knew what the fuck he was doing and decided to EV train Pikachu before he gave him (is Pikachu male?) to Ash as a way to protect his mentally challenged son from the dangerous world of pokemon. Not to mention that Pikachu had Agility and Thunder pretty early on, which means he was either at least level 34 and used a TM for Thunder, or he was 45 or higher. He is also a lazy bastard. He refuses to get into his pokeball, but he also refuses to walk most of the time.
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Though it is quite likely this is just a way for lazy animators to keep him in frame whenver Ash is talking, I still don't like it. He is the total opposite of the venerable Meowth, who, through only his own genius, and a little hornyness, learned to speak English and Japanese, and walk on two legs.
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Pikachu is heartless and doesn't think twice about attacking the humans of Team Rocket with even the most powerful of his electric attacks. Jessie, James, and Meowth are all likely to die young of heart complications due to their frequent exposure to high voltages. Even a small child who was trying to pet (or was it rape?) Pikachu suffered his wrath.
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Pikachu will one day destroy the world, and Team Rocket must capture it to protect the world from devastation. Can you imagine what would happen if Pikachu were to do whatever he pleased?
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Team Rocket lives like top tier hobos to save us from this menace.
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*Someone mentions the seizure episodes and the one that had James with  inflatable tits*

I assume those are the edited versions of the seizure episode. I've seen the edited one, but it actually gave me a bit of a headache. As for the tits on James, it's a shame everybody focuses on him there, because Jessie is damned hot.
Though James isn't all that bad looking.
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*Someone mentions they prefer some of Pokemon's many lolis*

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So, Maddie Blaustein, the English voice of Meowth throughout the 4kids production of the show (which was everything up until the latest season), regularly answers fan questions on the serebii forums. She said
"Behind the scenes stuff can get very funny because we do all do dirty ad-libs as jokes for the other voiceover talent."

The show makes sooo much more sense now.

Oh geez
"3. Here's one that I want to hear your opinion on. Do you think anything has happened between Jessie and James (romantically) that we don't know about that Meowth has seen?

3) Yes"
Meowth has witnessed Jessie raping James, it's the only explanation.

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I would like to take a moment to talk about Brock. This gym leader seems like a nice guy.
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But actually Brock is a dangerous sex offender. When Ash says he wants to be the greatest pokemon master, Brock usually introduces himself saying that he wants to be the greatest breeder. He rarely mentions pokemon at all when talking about being a breeder.
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Brock would probably breed with anything he can get his hands on. His main foes in the series change as the supporting cast does. In the beginning Ash and Misty would just let him hit on whoever all the time, but after he was replaced and then took his place back in the group, he has constantly been cock blocked. First it was Misty, then it was Max, and now it's his own Croagunk who gets in the way of his neverending quest for vagina.

It seems to me that Brock continues to travel with Ash is because he needs to constantly be on the run from the women he gets pregnant. He originally left his hometown to get away from taking care of his "little brothers and sisters," and since then he has been on a neverending quest to avoid child support.

A sequence of images that are quite disturbing.
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So there you have it.
It looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again.
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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Why Should I Upgrade My Phone?

With the recent (and rapid) improvements in smartphone related technology, I've been thinking about getting something to replace my (zomg) over a year old Palm Pre. I think about all the possibilities of having a phone with some high-res amoled screen and a fast new processor. But then I think about the things that I've gotten used to that is just so damn convenient.

The most obvious thing is the touchstone charger. You mean, if I get a new phone I'll have to plug it in every night like some fucking caveman? No thank you. Plus there is the fact that, though Android has gotten nicer, it is still relatively ugly and unintuitive. What are all those buttons on the front of every Android phone? A home button? A menu button? A back button? A search button? C'mon.

Why is that you gotta go through some shit and root an android phone and get hacked firmware and all that? I want to do some crazy shit with my Pre, I put in the Konami code, I connect it to my PC once, and then I can do any crazy patches, overclocking, and changes I want from my phone. I don't need to wipe my phone, I don't lose a single thing. If I have to replace my phone, all I do is type in my name and password and it gets all of my apps and settings (all the official stuff and even some of the unofficial) back.

If I'm going to class and I forget to silence my phone, no worries, my phone sees that I've got class in my calendar and automatically goes into airplane mode and mutes itself. If I set my phone on the charging dock, the screen goes to minimum brightness and the ringer to about half of my default level. Maybe there is a way to do this with Android phones, I dunno. But I wonder, why should I abandon the functionality of my phone just to get a prettier screen and a couple hundred extra mhz?

In short: hey HP/Palm, WebOS 2.0 looks nice, but how about some new hardware, eh?